Heard about the funny guy who talked to used condoms on stage?

"It's not polite to point".

Apparently she likes to go Dutch

While in Gettysburg to give his address, Abraham Lincoln stayed overnight with an old widow, Mrs. Armistead. She was a pretty bossy old bat and gave Lincoln a long list of chores to do as soon as she met him. Finally, when he thought he was done, Mrs. Armistead said, "Last chores, Abraham. For dinner we're having stew, corn on the cob, and apple pie. I'll work on the stew, but you're going to be on the front porch shucking corn and peeling apples until there's nothing left in front of you." And with that she led him outside where there were two huge baskets filled to the brim with apples and corn. Abraham started peeling and shucking. Periodically the widow would check on him to see how much he had left to get an idea of when they'd eat. Little known fact about Abraham Lincoln – he was none too good at shucking corn and peeling apples. After checking on him for the tenth time Mrs. Armistead was frustrated. She said, "Abraham, how the hell can you be expected to lead a country if you can't even help with dinner?” Abe replied, "Relax, Mrs. Armistead. I only have four cores and seven ears to go."3843[585](https://x.com/RCdeWinter/status/1917444635636687074/analytics)

but suddenly I'm the weirdo for adding tights and a cape.

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Missile toe !

You feel awful

**It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.**  **Just before it activates, you hear the sound of distant thunder**  **and catch the scent of fresh rain.**  **When you approach the milk section, you hear cows mooing**  **and experience the aroma of fresh hay.**  **Near the egg case, hens cluck and cackle** **, and the air fills with the delicious smell of bacon and eggs frying.** **The vegetable department features the scent of fresh, buttered corn.**  **I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.**

I told him, “Sure thing. Whatever you need me to do, I’m all in.”

He offered his honor. She honored his offer. And all night long he was on her and off her.